An American Driving in Brittany

To drive here you need to be a confident and competent driver. And it helps to like to drive. The French are fortunately excellent drivers. They always signal, they yield, they stay on the right and they’re very patient. If this were say...Italy, I would be crushed like a bug by now. You drive on the right. The roads are excellent and well marked. BUT in the countryside it is different, very different.  So in these middle ages villages with roads made for pedestrians and horses, the roads are sometimes reeealy narrow… one lane. Especially when our sadistic GPS lady takes us on some impossible road going no where, or some impossibly narrow cobblestone alley.  We think that she is thinking “oh those American tourist I’ll fix them!” We often pray we don’t meet a car coming the other way. Someone is going to have to back up. And, it happens. But people are patient and kind. So we curse her under our breath.  WHAT was she thinking? But we don’t want to anger her… 

One weird thing, people tail gate you for ever.  There can be miles of clear road in front and dotted passing lines and they just stay on your tail.    Come up at speed behind you and then just stay there. Don't understand it. Often I just pull over to force them to pass.

Of course I think there are more tourists here than Bretons.  Mostly British but also Germans, etc.  The British of course are driving on the "wrong" side.  So, they are an added hazard.  Even in this "off" season.  Mostly grey hairs like us. Or families with children under school age. Damn tourists!

We have figured out why the French are such good drivers. In the states we drive in straight lines. At intersections we turn right or left or go straight. Here nothing is straight (unless on a freeway). So you are constantly driving around barriers suddenly appearing for no apparent reason, going around roundabouts, even at tiny intersection. Dodging bicycles and escooters, hundreds on the road.  People crossing at white stripped crosswalks, they have right of way. It is one constant combination of slalom course and dodgem. So if you grow up driving here you have to be good or you die…

Fortunately, I have the world‘s best copilot and I have asked her to help me watch for risks. and so she warns me of all the pedestrians I am trying to run over, things I’m trying to back into, one-way streets I’m trying to go the wrong way on, and on roundabouts, calls out which exit to take and calls out the speed limits for me which change every 50 feet and for no apparent reason. And never never ever backseat drives me. Really …never has , never does. She’s so good It’s beyond belief. And she has made driving here much more relaxed.

Had a very close call with a tractor towing a trailer. Didn’t realize the trailer was hiding his turn signals. Just as I started around him he turned left into an invisible road. Thank God for BMW brakes! Ended up about 6 inches from his rear wheel. Lesson learned… There are roundabouts every 10 feet or so in the populated areas. Maybe better than stoplights and stop signs, but wow. And when you get into them, it’s kind of like a roulette wheel you may or may not drop into the right slot… but still they’re better than constant stop signs of stoplights as in the states. There are so many more crossroads. Again, there roads in the small villages were made for feet and horses, and their are many more villages than we have towns. So you are constantly having to...drive.

Once just coming out of the Chateau where we were staying GPS took us down a narrow paved road.  it then turned to dirt with no place to turn around. SURELY she wouldn't take us on a dead end. Just around the corner we would come out on a good road.  It deteriorated, and recently having rained was muddy.  Grass dragged under the car, the ruts got deeper, no where to turn around, no way to back out.  Finally the road just petered out.  We were several miles from anywhere.  OMG!  However now there was a flat muddy field beside us.  I just drove out in the field and turned around and drove us back out.  I was so grateful for our cars  all wheel drive.  Lesson learned.

PARKING:  It's a challenge. We have driven around for half an hour trying to find a parking spot.  Too many damn tourists... We have squeezed into spots we would never consider here.  And we have despaired of figuring out the dreaded Horror Station (Horodateur).  Parking spots and most parking lots have marks indicating they are payant or pay parking.  This is mostly in urban areas.  They have Horror Pedestals where you must pay with cash or credit cards.  This is....difficult if you don't speak French. Its stressful if people are waiting behind you to pay. You enter your license number and the time you want. They issue receipts which you must put on your dash. Sounds easy but nay nay. It is not.  However there are apps (e.g. Flowbird) that you should download which will allow you to pay on you cell phone.  MUCH EASIER!  But how do they check it?  The fines are heavy (e.g. $45).  But I suspect they can't check it. They could but the parking police would cost more than the lost fees. Some parking spaces are marked with blue lines. These are for time limited stays.  e.g. half an hour.  Here you must put a Blue card on your dash which you can turn to indicate when you arrive. (You get them at Tabacs-). Apparently only tourists use the Blue Cards.  Never saw anyone checking.

If you are going to drive a lot, rent a smallish, high quality car.  Gas or Diesel, doesn't matter.  Automatic (or you will wear yourself out shifting) and absolutely, positively with GPS.

Some rules to live by.. Never try to pass a tractor even if he is trailing manure on your rental car at fifteen miles an hour. Never park in front of a garage or auto entry door.  Never ever turn up a dirt road no matter how convincing the GPS goddess is. Just don’t do it. And if the road you are on turns to dirt...turn around now or back out! Just trust me on this. Finally, If you see a sign with a big white line on a red background…DO NOT GO THERE!